What I Learned About Love in my Journal
I've been writing. Throwing the words out of my cluttered head into a pristine notebook.
I've never been afraid of soiling a pretty new, empty page. I scribble with one of my thousands of pens. I draw, I paint.
There are times when my writing becomes illegible as I fall back to sleep when recording a dream, or when it's late and I'm way too comfortable. I've been known to fall asleep while writing.
The other morning as I was recording a dream, I woke to pen ink spreading through the fibers of my sheets. my hand no longer gripping the pen, and so relaxed it looked lifeless.
I had been recording a vivid dream and fell back asleep into the same narrative. There were still messages and symbols that wanted to be revealed to me. That’s why I keep a dream journal.
Dreaming is one of the ways I process my day, events, relationships, and pretty much everything else. Since I record them I can look back on them and the wisdom, fears, predictions, and processes.
I've still been writing. Writing for awareness, writing to heal, writing to sell me, writing as a chore, writing as an indulgence.
I've been opening my wounds and clearing infected thoughts, clearing out old pain, and writing out my expressions of love, Divine love, mundane love, love that is not loving.
I realized I wanted to be adored and that may not be the best thing. That can be tortured longing from the wound and not actually love. I want to be loved (I learned this through my writing) and love isn't always what you expect.
Love is kind, patient, and gentle. It is also blunt, angry, or tired. I am learning all of this in my journal.
Do you journal?
Comment